Sharing custody may be a difficult situation for both parents and kids to navigate. The "handovers," or the process of moving children from one parent's custody to the other, are an important part of this dynamic. Gaining proficiency in handovers is essential for both sustaining a friendly co-parenting relationship and guaranteeing the emotional health of the children involved. We'll look at practical methods and advice in this piece to help you through these changes as easily and stress-free as we can.

Understanding the Emotional Impact

Before delving into the practicalities of handovers, it's important to acknowledge the emotional weight they carry for everyone involved. For children, switching between homes can sometimes be unsettling, causing feelings of anxiety or sadness. Parents, on their part, may experience a range of emotions, from guilt to relief. Recognising these emotions is the first step in managing them effectively.

1. Consistency is Key

Children thrive on routine and predictability. Establishing a consistent schedule for handovers can significantly reduce anxiety and stress. This means having a set time and day for transitions, which helps children feel more secure and prepares them mentally for the change.

2. Effective Communication

Clear and respectful communication between co-parents is essential. This includes discussing and agreeing upon handover logistics in advance and keeping each other informed about any necessary changes. Tools like co-parenting apps can be beneficial for managing schedules and communicating important information.

3. Neutral Ground for Handovers

Choosing a neutral location for exchanges can ease tensions, especially in high-conflict situations. This could be a public place, like a park or a community centre. In some cases, school or daycare can serve as a natural transition point, minimising direct contact between parents.

4. Keep the Focus on the Child

During handovers, the child’s needs should be at the forefront. This is not the time for discussing contentious issues or airing grievances. Keeping interactions brief and positive can help create a stress-free environment for the child.

5. Prepare for the Transition

Help children prepare for the handover by talking to them about the upcoming change. Packing in advance and creating a checklist for items they need to take along can help avoid last-minute stress. For younger children, having a favourite toy or comfort object that travels with them can be reassuring.

6. Emotional Support

Acknowledge your child's feelings about the transition. If they seem upset or anxious, give them space to express their emotions. Reassure them that it's okay to miss the other parent and that both parents love them unconditionally.

7. Setting Boundaries

It's important to establish boundaries for handovers. This includes refraining from negative comments about the other parent in front of the child and respecting each other's time by being punctual.

8. Self-Care

Remember, taking care of yourself is vital. The stress of handovers can take a toll on your well-being. Engaging in self-care activities and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can help you stay emotionally balanced.

9. Continuous Improvement

Finally, be open to adjusting the handover process as needed. Children grow and their needs change, so what works today might need tweaking tomorrow. Regularly checking in with your child and co-parents to assess what’s working and what isn’t can be very helpful.


Mastering handovers in shared custody is an ongoing process that requires patience, empathy, and cooperation. By prioritising the emotional well-being of your children and maintaining a respectful partnership with your co-parent, these transitions can become a routine part of life rather than a source of stress. Remember, the goal is to create a stable and loving environment for your children, no matter which home they're in.